I have a new-found admiration and I'll get to that in a moment. Firstly, some context; I've hosted podcasts, created several vlogs, spoken on the radio, quite a few people appear to follow me on social media, too. In a different life, I played poker on TV and once upon-a-time I played in the World Series of Poker, the biggest card game in the world. You might say I've been around in various guises when it comes to being in the public eye in the last 15 years. I must be brimming with confidence, right? You might read my tweets and my online persona comes across to you as a confident, sometimes outspoken, funny, charming and rather good looking, humble, young man. Some of those things are true! The real truth is that I'm a quiet person. I suffer from social anxiety. I use the word "suffer" deliberately because, unlike Diabetes - which I have, there have been times when it has been on a different level of troublesome.
There are reasons for my social anxiety which go way back. That is for another blog, perhaps! It'll likely be too long to be interesting. I'm not going to offer advice or suggestions on how to "get over it" either. That's for you to work out, if you're relating, sorry. What I can offer is my own experience.
Life has a way of moulding us, directing us, forcing us into situations. Sometimes it takes trauma, grief in it's many forms, exquisite joy or an event to really open our eyes to important things and exciting opportunities. Perhaps the Covid-19 pandemic, the lockdowns and well documented horror have given you a new perspective. Perhaps you're doing new things already and appreciating the people and things around you more than before. Maybe you promised yourself to be that way but it hasn't worked out. That's alright. Lots of us promise to live a new, healthy life on Jan 1st each year. I'm not sure how many of us live up to those quietly spoken words which we weren't truly believing in anyway.
You might have read about my Diabetes complications, before. Sight loss and the dark (no pun intended) places that it lead me to, followed by recovery and a new-found "Wow!" for the world. Then, I told myself that I would do new things. I did. I built a business and probably over-enjoyed myself in many other ways (again, stories for another time). My 40th birthday had a similar but "purer" affect on my views. I decided to open up about my Type 1 Diabetes, expecting nothing more than some minimal engagement on my very early and terrible vlogs. 4 years later, it was one of the best decisions of my life. It's good to talk!
The new-found admiration? It's for those taking a leap of faith by speaking in public for the first time. I've spoken at business meetings and haven't really felt uneasy. Those meetings are often boring and a matter of fact, information sharing, exercise. Speaking publicly about something personal such as your health is pretty terrifying! but... fun! Terrifunning? Like a rollercoaster! but a rollercoaster which you control. That's because you're the one who truly knows everything about that subject. I did that a few days ago at a grand old hotel in Stratford-upon-Avon. A private engagement with some lovely people who were extraordinarily kind to applaud me and ask many really great questions. Although that subject was about the CGM which I use, rather than me, I still felt comfortable after a few seconds. After I left that rollercoaster, I wanted to get back on. The fear had gone and the excitement of the occasion came through. Also, I felt I'd lived up to my own promise of doing a new thing which I once would never have even considered. It's good to talk!
I realise that I'm lucky to be given opportunities within Diabetes. I am after all a "Joe Bloggs" (blogs?) Diabetic. I won't be running any marathons or climbing any mountains, you won't catch me trout-pouting in a bikini on Instagram, I'm unlikely to star in any Super Bowl ads or have my hilarious jokes recognised by TV bosses. I don't create drama for content, either. I'm no false advocate who has unsavoury motives. I'm just a person who talks about Diabetes with his peers. Perhaps you are too? I imagine we get along famously already. It's good to talk!
Social anxiety feels real. That demon is frightening but I'm beginning to realise that he's not real. He is an imaginary monster under the bed, who goes away when you're brave and you look under there. That bravery takes a lot, it can take a long time or it can be triggered by an event. If the opportunity presents itself then I strongly encourage you to go for it and look under the bed and never look back. Do the scary things.
If you'd like me to do something scary then get in touch - daddiabetic@gmail.com Bungee jumpers and sky divers need not apply!
Thank you so much for reading this blog. I do appreciate your visit and your support. As you might know, I LOVE COFFEE! So I've teamed up with a thing called Buy Me A Coffee. If you enjoy my content and appreciate the time it takes to create such things then you can buy me a coffee! If you leave your Twitter @ name when you buy me a coffee, I will personally thank you. If you'd rather be anonymous then that's totally cool. Thanks for the caffeine!
