Acceptance

It's not easy to find an image for most blog posts. What can adequately represent diabetes in a single photo? I mean, apart from a train crash or a person screaming. Insulin seems to cover the subject pretty well. I think most people understand what an insulin pen or a vial of Banting Juice means, these days. 

It gets more difficult (to choose an image) when talking about the nuances of the condition. I think that's especially true when referring to the mental aspects of diabetes. The screaming person might work? Perhaps not for the subject of todays post; Acceptance. 

The seed for this post was planted when I read through a thread on social media. An exasperated person exclaimed "Have I got to do this for the rest of my life". It struck a chord with me, I've been there, I've said the same openly and privately over the last near 40 years. 

The first time the daunting reality of type one diabetes gave me a slap in the face was soon after my diagnosis. I had been home for only a day or two when I questioned how long I'll need to have injections for? The answer, from my mum, was truthful - forever. I've written about that story previously, you may have read it if you're a regular reader of my blog posts. Over the years, and probably following momentous diabetes events, I silently consider the condition again and how it is "forever." 

Those events? Complications are pretty high on the list. Generally, for me at least, T1D is 99% tedious, 1% terror. Complications are terrifying. If you went to your eye screening and came away with some news that was less than good, and you didn't have a little moment, then I question your humanity. Of course, there are many other examples including kidney problems, heart, etc, but you get the gist. Alongside coming to terms with the burden of this condition, diabetics have to somehow find an acceptance of what might never happen, or what is already happening because of it. Complications really do suck. 

I came to an acceptance of my T1D after a very long time. It involved; not hiding it, talking to my peers, ranting on social media, and learning all I could. I even have a Type 1 Diabetic tattoo. I think it's pretty safe to say that I'm alright with this condition being with me forever. "Alright" doesn't mean happy, far from it. I would give all I have to be free of this pissing evil. I know that's unlikely in my lifetime and I don't build up my hopes of a cure. 

So, the thread. I recognised the frustration and fear and anger in those words. I recognise how it is all amplified when a doctor, or a badly worded letter, has news that something might be wrong because of your diabetes. That background music is suddenly the dominant noise. 

I don't know if acceptance of complications or the prospect of complications is an easy thing to achieve. How do you accept what is terrifying? My own eye complications have been stable for a number of years now. The visual impairment that I was left with took several years, and some poor life choices, to come to terms with. Today, I'm a "it is what it is" type but, just like the disease that caused my VI, I would give all I have to be free of it and to have my old sight restored. Acceptance, being alright with it, does not mean happy with it.

Today is "Blue Monday" - the most depressing day of the year by all accounts. It seems appropriate that blue is associated with diabetes, a condition that undoubtedly causes depression in so many.

If you were affected by any of the words in this blog post, by diabetes, complications, or any aspect of your life today, tomorrow or any day then please seek out support. 

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Let The Storm Rage On

...the cold never bothered me anyway? Well, tis (almost) the season for such movies. You might have realised from the image above that this isn't a blog post about Frozen or Christmas  Instead, I'd like to talk about everyone's favourite subject; social media. Gah! I know quite a lot of you are now going to close this window, unfollow me, throw away your phone and report me to the police. I might deserve some of that! I mean, have you READ my tweets?! Jeez!

For the handful of you who remain, let's get into it. Sometimes, I "do a lot of socials" and not just for myself. From time to time, I work for others (volunteered and paid roles) alongside my own blathering. It's cool, I like the interactions and social media has opened a world of experiences for me. It's helped my health, too. My T1D is unrecognisable from what it used to be just 6 or 7 years ago. That's an incredible thing if you really consider it. It also paints the general population in a great light, especially diabetics, as they are the driving force behind my current diabetes management and stable health.

I've thanked the online diabetes community in several blog posts and posts on socials. They truly are a great bunch and if you're new to that world, embrace it and soak up all the info and support that you need. In other posts, I've issued warnings to people to be cautious online. Despite the majority of people having no agenda but to assist others and gain their own support, there will always be a minority who are looking for something else. What are those things? The list is likely long, but you can probably include; using others for profits, career progression, gratification, and self promotion. I've experienced those things and more. Perhaps you have, too. Whilst that's sad, particularly as the diabetes world is focused around health, it's not very surprising. This is the Internet, of course!

Part of the online diabetes community is GBDoc. You're probably aware of it if you stumbled upon this post via a link on one of my socials. I've had a lot of involvement in that community and, again, it's been tremendous. When I began tweeting about diabetes, I was very determined to not involve myself with any community or organisation. That probably lasted about a month! and after a year or so, I was asked to be a volunteer along with several others. Volunteers have come and gone in the last 5 years. They had their reasons and their departures didn't affect me. We remained friends, largely, and some are still kicking around on socials today.

And now it's my turn to depart.

I've simply lost the motivation to continue to freely give my time to GBDoc. There are reasons for that and there are absolutely a select group of people who are behind those reasons. To detail each would result in a very long blog post and it would probably create an online inferno. My own personal attacks have included accusations of stigmatising others, subversive posts that target others, discriminating against others who are not British, not fact-checking things I retweet (because I'm CNN, obviously)... and I'm going to stop there because even as I type those things, and even after some time has passed, I feel affected by those accusations and the shocking levels of entitlement to tell me how I run my own personal account. I'm not perfect. Indeed, there have been times when I've corrected or removed something I knew to be wrong or even something that could be misinterpreted. Over the years, I've listened to others and made apologies for my own errors and, unnecessarily, the misinterpretations of others. Those instances were on Twitter (now X) which has never really been the easiest place to read tone from or gain much from in the way of great detail - unless you have a verified account and you love writing essays, of course!

I'm not looking for sympathy. However, I feel sorry for my friend, Jules. She's well known for living with some serious conditions which are exacerbated by stress. To listen to her breaking and tearful about the whole saga was very tough. The non-apology and the carry-on-regardless nature of those involved was bewildering. "Bewildering" was the best I could muster after deleting various expletives. Of course, you should form your own judgements if you wish, but from someone "on the inside" I know the hurtful remarks made about GBDoc volunteers (managed by Jules) were so far removed from reality. I hope that she'll come back one day. I'm sure the community will continue to thrive in whatever guise. 

There is much more I could add to this post. I may follow up at a later date. There will, of course, be more blog posts on other subjects in the days, weeks and months to come. If you're from GBDoc, it's been lovely to volunteer for you since 2018. Stay well. 

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I Was Feeling Complicated...

...I was feeling low. Annie Lennox is bloody brilliant, isn't she? The song is Thorn In My Side by Eurythmics, and you'll probably be unaware of it if you're under 35. Put it on your Spotify while you read this post.

This post is about diabetes related complications. If the subject is too difficult for you, then please come back again for another post in the future. Normally, I wouldn't bother to put a trigger warning like that because I'm a "warts and all" diabetes blogger. However, I understand that the subject can be upsetting for people who live with diabetes and their loved ones because it is so utterly dreadful. So, if you're still here, let's begin.

The story of my own diabetes related complications has been well documented in this blog and across my social media accounts. If you're unaware, and in short, I suffered severe eye complications from around 2010 - 2012. I had several surgeries and I spent a good deal of those two years living in near blindness. Things improved and although I am "registered as blind" I am far from it. The reality is I have a visual impairment that does impact my day to day living... actually day to night living, my night vision is shocking, and I need to wear specs to read and write incredible blog posts such as this one.

As I head rapidly towards 40 years with T1D, I count myself lucky to only have had that experience of complications. Oh, if I could change history and not go through that then I absolutely would! I count myself lucky because I know many others who have been through more, much more, much worse and they keep on fighting with lots more day to day (or night) issues than I have. Also, as I've aged (matured?) with my eye complications and embraced the lived experience of others with T1D, I have come to realise something:

I was wrong.

An admission of being incorrect is a tough one to express. It's rare to read of anybody back-tracking and changing a firmly held view. I don't know why, as human beings, we're so proud about always being right. I mean, just by pure chance, sometimes you'll be wrong... right? Anyway! Why was I wrong? Well, for several years and up until very recently I've harboured a feeling of self-blame for my eye complications. I may have even written about it a few years ago, but then I never touched on the subject again. Pride? Over time, and with more experience, I've come to realise that I've been wrong to shoulder the blame for what I went through.

I'm not going to shift the blame for my complications to another person. Why it happened, is down to one thing; Type 1 Diabetes. After that, the reasons don't really matter. History cannot be changed. Yet, for a long time I put the blame on myself, the missed appointments, literally running out of an appointment for laser surgery, hiding away and pretending it wasn't happening. 

To run away from you

Was all that I could do

Annie was probably referring to an ex-lover. For me, to run away from those scary appointments felt like my only option, the easy option, and I was an adult. Nobody was forcing me to attend. Indeed, nobody would chase up missed appointments or why I'd scarpered part-way through laser surgery. Why would they? DNA (Did Not Attend) is a common thing in the NHS and the reasons for that can be complex rather than simply the patient just doesn't care about themselves. If the patient doesn't care about themselves, surely they are in the greatest need of the soonest care? A discussion or a blog post for another time, perhaps.

I should've known better

But I got what I deserved

Was exactly my thoughts for many years. I was told by enough healthcare professionals. Yet, "told" is something we experience a lot when attending our diabetes reviews.

"You need to get your A1c down"

"You need to have less hypos"

"You need to check your blood glucose more often"

The list is long and, if you have T1D, you've probably got your own extensive list of "tolds". 

Modern care has come to realise that the harsh approach, the scaremongering, doesn't work very well on the whole. I agree. It clearly didn't work for me having been subjected to scaremongering from an early age. Perhaps if all of my diabetes history was analysed, those early years were the seeds planted for my mid-life complications harvest. Who knows? Again, I'm not shifting blame for my complications to another person or persons. Diabetes got me here, my own immune system did the dirty work. What followed was a war and in every war there is suffering - my left retina took the brunt.

Complications are indeed a thorn in my side, today. Hopefully, they won't be for you. If you do get some bad news, I have some words for you:

It's not your fault. Don't put yourself through what I have for a decade.

Complications treatments are as good as they've ever been.

Be brave. You're only here once and you matter.

Things will get better or settle down. 

Seek support. The NHS might offer it to you - take it! 

Talk and share. The huge #GBDoc community has more experience than any clinic. We got you.

This post was tougher to write than I expected. Thanks for giving me a few minutes of your time.

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The Power Of Sharing

In the world of diabetes management, every day brings unique challenges. Yet, through the power of advocacy and awareness, individuals with diabetes are finding the strength to face these challenges head-on. This blog post revolves around a compelling story shared to me by an online diabetes peer, which beautifully encapsulates the impact of diabetes advocacy and the resilience of those living with the condition.

Our peer shared a moment from their life that unfolded during a seminar. It was a day like any other, but their insulin pump had other plans. It malfunctioned, resulting in high glucose levels—a situation that can be unsettling for anyone. Instead of feeling embarrassed, this individual demonstrated remarkable composure. They calmly injected insulin and replaced their pump set right there in the room, without leaving or excusing themselves. In their own words, they did it "like it's a normal thing...which it is apart from injecting."

Here is their message, shared with permission: 

This story carries a profound message, not just for people with diabetes but for everyone:

The Power of Advocacy: The online diabetes community, along with dedicated advocates, has played a pivotal role in raising awareness about diabetes. Their efforts have contributed to a more informed and understanding society, allowing individuals like our peer to feel supported and empowered.

Breaking Down Stigmas: Our peer's ability to manage their diabetes openly and confidently challenges the stigmas surrounding the condition. It exemplifies that dealing with diabetes, even in unconventional situations, should be normalised and accepted.

Self-Empowerment: This story is a testament to the resilience and self-empowerment that individuals with diabetes can cultivate. When people understand that diabetes is a part of life but doesn't define it, they can confidently manage it without feeling the need to hide.

Inspiration to Others: The courage displayed by our peer serves as an inspiration to me and I hope others in the diabetes community. It shows that unpredictable moments can be met with grace and that diabetes doesn't have to hold anyone back.

The Importance of Preparedness: While managing diabetes is a day-to-day reality, moments like the one our peer experienced highlight the importance of preparedness. Knowing how to handle such situations and sharing this knowledge can benefit the entire community.

This story is a testament to the transformative power of diabetes advocacy and the resilience of those living with the condition. Through advocacy, we can break down stigmas, inspire self-empowerment, and encourage a sense of normalcy in managing diabetes. Our peer's experience during that seminar is proof that, with the right support and awareness, individuals with diabetes can confidently navigate even the most unexpected moments with confidence, ensuring that diabetes doesn't define them, but rather, becomes just another part of their remarkable lives. 

I talk about my diabetes a lot and I do that simply to share my experiences. Remarkably, that simple act can have a hugely positive impact on others. I strongly encourage you, reader, to share your own experiences about diabetes. 

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Hybrid Closed Loop - My Thoughts

The future has arrived! Yes, I know many of you reading this will have been managing your diabetes with Hybrid Closed Loop for a while now and that it's not exactly new news for you. 

At Dad Towers, I've been hesitant to take the "next step" from insulin pumps and CGMs to the "all in one" of HCL since I began using an insulin pump in 2021. I didn't feel the urgency to change what was already working well for me, I didn't feel inspired to learn about closed loop, HCL, AID, APS and host of acronyms which were, to be frank, a bit of a turn off. I write those words as somebody who is very pro-tech when it comes to diabetes management and as somebody who understands most of what HCL means. Still, in the last couple of years, I felt in no hurry to try it.

As is often the case, conversations with peers, particularly well-meaning peers within #GBDoc, resulted in the change. As is also often the case, I've done this without the "blessing" of my consultant or an agreement with any of my HCPs. We'll talk about access later on.  The kind-hearted folk within #GBDoc have taken care of me on so many levels in the last 6 years, so I suppose it's not really a surprise to have transmitters, sensors and even different CGMs sent to me to try out. It's not a surprise, yet my heart bursts with gratitude when others offer the time, energy and often money to support me. I'll do what I can to pay that forward, of course.

Right, let's get into it; HCL, is it any good? 

Firstly, take a look at the image above. That's a screenshot from Dexcom Clarity. A nice splattering of green days and impressive time in range. For the system I'm using (Control IQ via Dexcom and T:Slim) those numbers didn't take long to achieve. The first day or two on HCL was fascinating to watch. My pump was constantly adjusting my basal rate, administering little boluses, reducing basal, suspending insulin, etc. Basically, it was micro managing everything and doing so for 24 hours a day. I love a little micro managing action myself, but even I can't do that for 24 hours a day. Impressive stuff and the results were almost immediate, lines have been flatter, spikes less spiky, hypos less severe, and I imagine my next HbA1c will reflect this improvement in management...

...management? Yes, you're still the boss, you can still administer a dose, you still need to carb count and pre-bolus for your meals & snacks. You're not a complete passenger with HCL but, if you're anything like me, you'll need to learn to let the machine do it's thing and trust in the tech. 

I've put HCL to the test a few times, including early on when I purposefully carb counted 50% lower than the meal actually contained. I expected a spike and it did happen, yet HCL sprung into action and upped my basal rates quite dramatically. It caught my purposeful error and brought me back into range within an hour or so. Wow!

Recently, I spent a few days away on a short break. That included a day at the beach. Walking and warm weather is a recipe for a hypo for me, but I thought I'd put HCL to the test again. I left my hypo treats in the car and armed only with a debit card to purchase food and drinks from a little cafe, I set about wandering around the sands... some running around too, with a Cocker Spaniel enjoying the new environment to sniff and explore. I kept an eye on Control IQ, which displays my blood glucose alongside exactly what's going on insulin wise. From a starting BG of 7.6 mmol/L, things dipped to 5.8 mmol/L and at that stage my insulin was suspended by Control IQ. Trying to not worry, I headed to the cafe to buy a sugary drink and as I cracked open the can of brown fizz, my BG was back to 6.4 mmol/L. No input from me, closed loop did all the work.

Of course, I'm not suggesting ANY level of exercise won't require some input from you when you're using HCL but, for me at least, walking around a beach for a few hours wasn't the huge problem it once might've been. And I definitely don't recommend leaving your hypo treats behind - That's just silly. 

However, that's a tremendous thing about closed loop; it reduces the worry, the decision making. You can just crack on with whatever you need or want to do and if any problems arise they're likely to be minor ones that need minimal input from you. 

It's not a cure. It's definitely not an "artificial pancreas". What it is, is an advanced way to manage T1D. Now, the only issue for me, as it was with pumping, will be to convince my consultant that HCL is right for me. That means obtaining Dexcom G6 funding.... or does it?

Whaaaaaaat?

Well, the thing is, Dexcom One sensors will work perfectly well with G6 transmitters. The sensor codes have been "hacked" and a list of Dexcom One code: 2222 = Dexcom G6 code: 4444 (as an example) is freely kicking around on your Interwebs. So, essentially, I only need the transmitters while I'm prescribed Dex One sensors. Conversations are to be had! 

Finally, you've probably noticed that Partha & co. have been working hard on making HCL accessible in NHSE. There'll be criteria, and from the outset it looks less stringent than the insulin pump criteria of old (7.5% A1c vs 8.5%) so, that's a good thing. I imagine access will be more relaxed as the next few years roll by until we reach a point where all with T1D can access closed loop in England and Wales. Perhaps that's called the Libre Point? Remember in 2017/18 when access to Flash was the big issue? Here we are, 5 years later and still not cured, but access to that tech is no longer a problem.

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The Blue Tick

It's been a couple of months since I took "the plunge" to verify my Twitter account. Of course, that's now a verified X account following the rebranding at Musk Inc. It has raised a few questions and conversations, primarily "why?!" especially as the recent changes at this platform have caused many to move to other areas of the Internet for their socials. I thought that I'd clear things up with a blog post, instead of writing a really long tweet... xeet? Whatever.

In today's digital age, social media platforms have become powerful tools for advocacy and awareness campaigns. Twitter, with its extensive reach and real-time engagement, stands out as a platform that can significantly amplify the voice of advocates. For individuals advocating for diabetes awareness, being verified on Twitter holds immense importance. Twitter verification is crucial for diabetes advocates, especially those (like me) who are not professional advocates. Below, I'll look at how it enhances credibility, increases visibility, and facilitates meaningful connections within the diabetes community.

• Credibility Amplification: Whether we like it or not, for many, verification on Twitter symbolises authenticity and credibility. For diabetes advocates, whose primary goal is to provide accurate information and create awareness, being verified adds an extra layer of trust for their followers. Verified accounts are perceived as authoritative sources of information, allowing advocates to spread accurate details about diabetes management, treatment options, and lifestyle changes with more impact.

• Enhanced Visibility: Verified accounts are more likely to appear at the top of search results and in relevant conversations. For diabetes advocates, this visibility boost is essential in ensuring their messages reach a broader audience. With the ever-increasing volume of content on social media, standing out from the noise is crucial. Verification ensures that the important messages of diabetes advocates are not lost in the crowd, enabling them to effectively reach people who need accurate information about the condition.

• Access to Features: Twitter verification comes with access to advanced features, such as analytics and insights into tweet performance. This data can be incredibly valuable for diabetes advocates, as it helps them understand what type of content resonates most with their audience. This information can be used to tailor their advocacy efforts, refine their messaging, and optimise their engagement strategies.

• Collaboration Opportunities: Verified accounts are more likely to be approached for collaborations, partnerships, and joint initiatives. For diabetes advocates, this means increased opportunities to collaborate with medical professionals, researchers, organisations, and other "influencers" in the healthcare space. Collaborations can lead to more comprehensive and impactful advocacy campaigns, furthering the cause of diabetes awareness.

• Building a Stronger Community: Verification status fosters a sense of community among advocates, creating a network of credible voices in the diabetes space. Verified advocates can connect more easily with each other, sharing insights, experiences, and strategies. This sense of camaraderie strengthens the overall impact of their advocacy efforts and encourages the exchange of knowledge within the diabetes community.

• Countering Misinformation: This is one of the major pulls for me to be verified. Diabetes advocates often find themselves combating misinformation and myths about the condition. A verified status on Twitter empowers advocates to debunk false information with authority and credibility. As misinformation spreads easily on social media, having verified advocates actively participating in these discussions is essential for steering the conversation in the right direction.

In a world where social media has become an integral part of advocacy, Twitter verification holds undeniable significance for diabetes advocates. The benefits range from amplifying credibility and visibility to enabling collaboration and providing access to valuable insights. By becoming verified, diabetes advocates can leverage their status to create a more informed, connected, and empowered diabetes community. As the digital landscape continues to evolve, being verified on Twitter is not just a badge of honour; it's a tool that can drive meaningful change and make a lasting impact on diabetes awareness.

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Keep Me In The Loop

Type 1 Diabetes tech can advance pretty quickly. Even access to it, in some areas, has greatly improved in recent times and for that we have much to be grateful for. Of course, there is far more to do than has already been done. There are many who struggle to access some very basic things and, in the UK at least, a yawning disparity in care is obvious between areas. If the playing field will ever be levelled is debatable. With my most optimistic hat on, it seems certain to be a drawn process, as with many aspects of NHS care.

Yet! We continue to advance diabetes care in the UK (probably beyond) thanks to a little thing called "Peer support" Actually, it's not little at all. In terms of numbers, the peer support groups both online and in person, have grown enormously over the last few years. Indeed, you'll see diabetes-care-engaged HCPs communicating with these groups, recognising their importance, referring patients, etc. 

For me, it's not little at all in terms of the impact on my health and life.

Back in 2017, I had recently reached a "milestone age" and after going through a great deal of diabetes related issues I thought it was time to get to grips with my T1D. The story is long and rather dull, in short it involved creating social media and forum accounts, sharing, learning and trying to be the best diabetic that I could be. I anticipated that I'd be largely on my own, that I'd pick up a few useful tips among the keto scams and cinnamon cures. I was wrong, I was definitely not on my own.

If you arrived here via Twitter, there is a great chance that you already know about #GBDoc. It is a tremendous community, run entirely by volunteers who just want to learn and stay well as much as everyone else. I mention the hashtag often and I do promote the community when the opportunity arises. I don't run it or have any influence in what happens. I'm a volunteer, learning, trying to stay well and hopefully assisting others in the same.

I try to give as much as possible to my peers within #GBDoc because since day one I have been inundated with kindness. Sure, as with any community, there will be disagreements and people will come and go. Yet, the core of #GBDoc has remained and from everything I've read and learned, I believe the community has evolved into a more inclusive, community driven, place rather than the individually run entity it once was.

In the last six and a half years, I have met hundreds of community members in person. I'm very likely to meet hundreds more. Each time, it was a delight. I love to learn about others, to talk, to laugh and to share experiences. From the hundreds, I have close bonds with many people who are now incredibly good friends. If you enjoy socialising then #GBDoc can certainly improve that aspect of your life!

Let's focus on the direct impact that peer support has had on my health. In 2017, I was finger pricking and injecting and that was the extent of my T1D management. Today, I write this blog post as somebody who is using Hybrid Closed Loop to manage my diabetes. Essentially, an insulin pump is communicating with a CGM to make frequent adjustments to my insulin dose without my input, aside from entering carb counts and other very minimal-effort engagements (see the photo used for this post). If you don't have T1D, your pancreas does a similar job, but this is not an artificial pancreas. I'll blog more about HCL in a week or two. 

HCL is the latest development from my accessing of the peer support in #GBDoc. Before that, there have been many other examples of help from the community members. Items include:

- A donated insulin pump

- Many donated insulin pump consumables

- CGM transmitters

- CGM and Flash sensors

- Ketones test strips

- Glucose drinks

- Sweets, chocolates, lots of coffees!

The last one might not be hugely impactful on my diabetes management, but it helps and they were much appreciated! I didn't ask for any of those items. Various individuals took it upon themselves to offer their time, energy and money to help me. The physical items are one thing, the enormous amount of education is something else. There really is no better place to learn about T1D than from those who live with it. Every little snippet of info, every little trick, hack, guidance and signposting is a little bit more ammunition to go to war with. Over the years, I've absorbed it all. It feels like I've studied for a medical degree in some respects.

Of course, I do what I can to give back. "Pay it forward" is the often used term for a good deed. I won't list my involvements in diabetes related initiatives in this post. This post is about the others who do wonderful, kind, things for people without really realising the positive impact it can have. You are saving lives, prolonging lives, improving lives. I don't write that sentence flippantly. I truly believe it. You may never be officially recognised, but I see you. Thank you.

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