Confessions Of A Diabetic

 

Please forgive me Diabetes for I have sinned against you.  Have you ever been to a confessional? I haven't and I suspect if I did it might be a case of "Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin!"

T1D comes with advice from the professionals for living healthily and rightly so! Once upon a time, that advice came in the form of strict rules. "You will eat at X O'clock, inject at X O'clock, wake up when we tell you to and pee in a very small tube for us four times a year". Things have improved, of course, and now I only need to pee in a very small tube twice a year. 

With rules, comes rule breaking or maybe rule bending. And so, today, I present to you some stories of my own rule breaking and bending for your consideration. They are all going to be Diabetes related, of course and all suitable for family viewing although I encourage you, reader to not copy any of the below or think that because that bloke from the Internet got away with it then you will too. Are we clear? Super! Let's begin.

My rule breaking began at an early stage. Oh, lancets were being changed, carbs counted and injections given on time (at that stage) but at school things went very differently. Please check out Hobnobs in Hiding for some tales of my schooldays with T1D. 

Following education, with a job, money in my pocket and a Fiesta Popular Plus on the the drive, the world was my oyster! Diabetes had to tag along despite me generally ignoring it and refusing to answer it's calls. Those were the days of parties, drinking, pubs, clubs, girlfriends and things were great! Of course they were. I think most people refer to their late teens and early twenties as great times. I'm no exception although I do feel incredibly lucky. 

Shall we begin with hypos? I once made a video which described my worst ever hypo and it's still true to this day. Following a weekend of excess, I woke for work, showered, injected (twice per day mixed insulin jabs at this point), jumped into my car and headed off to work, no finger prick. I didn't need to take finger pricks, I hadn't for years at that stage, I could feel when I was low. Yeah, right! Yawning, tired, a bit hazy? Absolutely, it'd been a long weekend and I was looking forward to getting to work for a rest. However, yawning, tired and hazy are also strong hypo symptoms for me. Then the sweating began and I opened a window. Then the shaking... the shaking... oh no! I'm hypo. I grabbed my bag (still driving at this stage) and opened juice box after juice box. Because of my ignorance of T1D and the frequent hypos that I was coping with, I used to carry several with me in the car to take to work. I was probably 5 minutes from my place of work when the flashing lights began. I'd stopped the car and took it out of gear. Engine still running, I reached for what must've been my third or four juice box and then nothing. Black. I woke up in hospital, tried to punch a doctor and then started crying.

I'm lucky because I'd stopped my car in a busy place where police would often drive by. One spotted me with smoke bellowing from my car's exhaust. At that stage I was having a seizure and had planted my foot on the accelerator. There were seconds between that happening and me stopping the car, even fewer seconds between that and me taking the car out of gear. The police officer dragged me from the car, ripping my blood soaked shirt open in the process. I don't know if he was expecting to perform CPR or was just clumsy. Blood soaked? Oh, yes, I had bitten my tongue during the seizure and things got a little red for that lovely white shirt. I'm lucky. I spent the next week at home, recovering from that incident which could've quite easily killed me or many innocent others. Diabetes, on that occasion, had had enough of being ignored. My behaviour changed, I began testing my BG before driving and ate a breakfast. I took all my Diabetes stuff to work and confessed my condition to my incredibly kind and understanding boss, who hadn't seen or heard from me in a week.

Hypers were more frequent... I think! That's because, as you've just read, I wasn't taking any finger pricks. I don't remember getting any test strips or lancets on a prescription for several years! I wonder if my GP thought that I was cured? I was getting my insulin pens and needles and that was it. Remarkably, I was never unwell because of high blood glucose, no DKA, no frequent need for the toilet or raging thirsts. I would love to see my BG results from those days but suspect they would reflect my extremely infrequent HbA1c tests which were often around 9 - 10%.

How many HbA1c tests did I submit to? After passing out, following one when I was 11 years old, I have memories of three others over the course of the next decade. I didn't have time for blood draws and the ensuing bollocking from my then DSN. I was young! I was a roarer! a rogerer! a gorger and a puker! (You'll understand that if you've ever watched Blackadder).

My DSN gave up trying to convince me to have an A1c. Instead, she relied on my detailed blood glucose diaries. Never in the course of human history had so many lies been written in one book, it was like a Tory manifesto! Of course, she couldn't question why I was always between 4mmol and 8mmol, solidly for a month because I wasn't letting them take an A1c from me! Those works of fiction kept me in their good books for years. Little wonder that I gained some success as a poker player in later life.

"How was your appointment?" family would sometimes ask. Oh, you know, fine considering I hadn't been and was eating a bacon sandwich in the Cafe instead. Nothing tastes as a good as a bacon sandwich when you should be getting strips torn off you by an angry DSN. Yum!

Life changes. I grew up, kind of, eventually and with family comes greater responsibility. Today, I check my BG all the time! I wear a CGM and finger prick to calibrate it. I go to my appointments. I don't lie to my HCPs. My A1c is between 6 and 7% and I will submit to as many blood draws as I'm asked for.

My blog is for my thoughts and brief tales relating to Diabetes. I have a larger collection of notes and stories which aren't necessarily family friendly. Confessions Uncut, if you will, which might make an interesting book. Should I write it?

In the meantime, if you relate or have a confession then tell me everything, my child in the comments below or Tweet me!

Thank you so much for reading this blog. I do appreciate your visit and your support. As you might know, I LOVE COFFEE! So I've teamed up with a thing called Buy Me A Coffee. If you enjoy my content and appreciate the time it takes to create such things then you can buy me a coffee! If you leave your Twitter @ name when you buy me a coffee, I will personally thank you. If you'd rather be anonymous then that's totally cool. Thanks for the caffeine!

BUY DIABETIC DAD A COFFEE HERE

Diabetic Oddity

Bowie was superb, wasn't he? Even several years after his death, his coolness only seems to increase with the passing of time. And look at his amazing eyes! - Obviously, I'm going to think that they are cool. I'm not here to talk about Bowie and what a great song Space Oddity is. That's not very Diabetesy. I did hear that song on Spotify, today and when Bowie sang "This is Major Tom to Ground Control" it brought about thoughts of how we describe Diabetes to others and how they ask questions about it to us.

Major Tom/Bowie went on to describe leaving his space capsule and entering the void of space. Bowie was a tremendous lyricist and wordsmith, of course but I wonder if he would've considered a hypo as "floating in a most peculiar way"?

Perhaps he would've come up with a description which is beyond most of us.

Where am I going with this blog? I've made comments about this previously. That the words we use to describe Diabetes, our Diabetes, cannot ever be challenged. I describe myself as a Diabetic or a Type 1 Diabetic. I take blood tests. I try to control my Diabetes.... Oh! Ground Control! Perhaps I'll stop trying to ignore Bowie in this blog and just carry on referring to his lyrics. 

Control is an interesting one. It seems to bring about great angst from some while others use it freely. Myself, I'll use that or "management". There are two reasons for that. Firstly, I'm of a vintage that is not upset by the words used by others unless they are used with the intent to cause upset or are used through hate. Secondly, sometimes, elements of MY Diabetes can be controlled. If an HCP asks me "How is your control?" or "How is your blood sugar control?" my first thought isn't how dare you use 'control' for a condition which isn't controllable! I'm not going to stand up and walk out or aggressively correct them. Instead, my default thought is that they're trying to get a basic grip on how I'm managing, lately. Lots of hypos, hypers, 100% in target, everything in between... something that can be improved? Great! If not, we move on to how magnificent I am. I accept "managing" and "control" in the same way.

I firmly believe that we shouldn't be challenging singular words in such circumstances. Reviews or appointments can be stressful occasions for us, as patients. I think our focus should be on gaining a positive from that 10-15 minute time slot and not leaving the clinic, feeling unnecessarily tense. HCPs are advised and trained on how to interact with patients but they're human beings. Human beings make mistakes sometimes especially after years of using some words which are now considered "No-Nos".

That doesn't mean we should ignore or forgive absolutely everything. I think if your HCP insults you or puts you down, if you're made to feel like a naughty schoolchild, then that's absolutely the right time to be vocal and complain. 

What is correct and not correct in regards to how HCPs interact with us is personal to you. Your own offence is completely valid, of course. I do think it's time that we stopped indicating what is right or wrong, in regards to language, to people living with Diabetes, though. There is no right or wrong. You don't need to change the words which you've been using forever when talking about your own condition. We have enough on our plates, in my opinion. Leave the "correct" way to talk about Diabetes to your overworked and exhausted HCPs. Overworked and exhausted after working in hotbeds of Covid-19 for 18 months - Perhaps something to consider when the next HCP puts a foot wrong.

One thing which I do struggle to control is my coffee addiction...

Thank you so much for reading this blog. I do appreciate your visit and your support. As you might know, I LOVE COFFEE! So I've teamed up with a thing called Buy Me A Coffee. If you enjoy my content and appreciate the time it takes to create such things then you can buy me a coffee! If you leave your Twitter @ name when you buy me a coffee, I will personally thank you. If you'd rather be anonymous then that's totally cool. Thanks for the caffeine!

BUY DIABETIC DAD A COFFEE HERE

It's Good To Talk

 

I have a new-found admiration and I'll get to that in a moment. Firstly, some context;  I've hosted podcasts, created several vlogs, spoken on the radio, quite a few people appear to follow me on social media, too. In a different life, I played poker on TV and once upon-a-time I played in the World Series of Poker, the biggest card game in the world. You might say I've been around in various guises when it comes to being in the public eye in the last 15 years. I must be brimming with confidence, right? You might read my tweets and my online persona comes across to you as a confident, sometimes outspoken, funny, charming and rather good looking, humble, young man. Some of those things are true! The real truth is that I'm a quiet person. I suffer from social anxiety. I use the word "suffer" deliberately because, unlike Diabetes - which I have, there have been times when it has been on a different level of troublesome.

There are reasons for my social anxiety which go way back. That is for another blog, perhaps! It'll likely be too long to be interesting. I'm not going to offer advice or suggestions on how to "get over it" either. That's for you to work out, if you're relating, sorry. What I can offer is my own experience.

Life has a way of moulding us, directing us, forcing us into situations. Sometimes it takes trauma, grief in it's many forms, exquisite joy or an event to really open our eyes to important things and exciting opportunities. Perhaps the Covid-19 pandemic, the lockdowns and well documented horror have given you a new perspective. Perhaps you're doing new things already and appreciating the people and things around you more than before. Maybe you promised yourself to be that way but it hasn't worked out. That's alright. Lots of us promise to live a new, healthy life on Jan 1st each year. I'm not sure how many of us live up to those quietly spoken words which we weren't truly believing in anyway.

You might have read about my Diabetes complications, before. Sight loss and the dark (no pun intended) places that it lead me to, followed by recovery and a new-found "Wow!" for the world. Then, I told myself that I would do new things. I did. I built a business and probably over-enjoyed myself in many other ways (again, stories for another time). My 40th birthday had a similar but "purer" affect on my views. I decided to open up about my Type 1 Diabetes, expecting nothing more than some minimal engagement on my very early and terrible vlogs. 4 years later, it was one of the best decisions of my life. It's good to talk!

The new-found admiration? It's for those taking a leap of faith by speaking in public for the first time. I've spoken at business meetings and haven't really felt uneasy. Those meetings are often boring and a matter of fact, information sharing, exercise. Speaking publicly about something personal such as your health is pretty terrifying! but... fun! Terrifunning? Like a rollercoaster! but a rollercoaster which you control. That's because you're the one who truly knows everything about that subject. I did that a few days ago at a grand old hotel in Stratford-upon-Avon. A private engagement with some lovely people who were extraordinarily kind to applaud me and ask many really great questions. Although that subject was about the CGM which I use, rather than me, I still felt comfortable after a few seconds. After I left that rollercoaster, I wanted to get back on. The fear had gone and the excitement of the occasion came through. Also, I felt I'd lived up to my own promise of doing a new thing which I once would never have even considered. It's good to talk!

I realise that I'm lucky to be given opportunities within Diabetes. I am after all a "Joe Bloggs" (blogs?) Diabetic. I won't be running any marathons or climbing any mountains, you won't catch me trout-pouting in a bikini on Instagram, I'm unlikely to star in any Super Bowl ads or have my hilarious jokes recognised by TV bosses. I don't create drama for content, either. I'm no false advocate who has unsavoury motives. I'm just a person who talks about Diabetes with his peers. Perhaps you are too? I imagine we get along famously already. It's good to talk! 

Social anxiety feels real. That demon is frightening but I'm beginning to realise that he's not real. He is an imaginary monster under the bed, who goes away when you're brave and you look under there. That bravery takes a lot, it can take a long time or it can be triggered by an event. If the opportunity presents itself then I strongly encourage you to go for it and look under the bed and never look back. Do the scary things.

If you'd like me to do something scary then get in touch - daddiabetic@gmail.com Bungee jumpers and sky divers need not apply!

Thank you so much for reading this blog. I do appreciate your visit and your support. As you might know, I LOVE COFFEE! So I've teamed up with a thing called Buy Me A Coffee. If you enjoy my content and appreciate the time it takes to create such things then you can buy me a coffee! If you leave your Twitter @ name when you buy me a coffee, I will personally thank you. If you'd rather be anonymous then that's totally cool. Thanks for the caffeine!

BUY DIABETIC DAD A COFFEE HERE